i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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