I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
