Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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