I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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