is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
