Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
