from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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