keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
