Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
