I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
only if we run a train.
done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
