I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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