I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
