Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
