I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
