If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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