You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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