Sponge bath it is.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
