If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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