I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The best revenge is premature balding
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
