i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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