90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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