i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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