so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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