If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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