Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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