If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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