so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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