Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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