I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
