I think I am morally bankrupt
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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