oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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