Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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