he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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