so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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