Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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