i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
