you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
