you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
