I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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