4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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