its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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