i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
