Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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