Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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