Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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