I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's shark week go big or go home
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize