3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
