i jhust puked up my retainher.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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