On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
