Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
