the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So many bounce houses so little time
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
