I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
