the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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