That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
