You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
