I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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