Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
