So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
