we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So vagazzling was a success
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
