You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
