we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
