I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
