How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
