that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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